Who Buys This Stuff Anyway?

Recently I was on an airplane.  It was a short trip and I killed some time reading the airline magazine.  I’m one of those people who actually like to read through the “advertisement” section at the end of the local paper and periodicals – there’s always all kinds of goodies in there (and I’m not talking about the soft porn)!

For instance, this exercise machine: the “ROM”.  It costs $14,615.00 (yes, you read that right) and you only have to exercise 4 minutes per day!

Sounds like a scam?  Well, you should know that “the typical ROM purchaser goes through several stages:

1. Total disbelief that the ROM can do this all in only 4 minutes (apparently 4 minutes on the ROM gets you the same results as “20 – 45 minutes of aerobic exercise (jogging, running, etc.) for cardio and respiratory benefits, plus 45 minutes weight training for muscle tone and strength, plus 20 minutes stretching exercise for limberness and flexibility”).
2. Rhetorical (and sometimes hostile) questioning and ridicule (they make sure to note that they have had to “suffer many other incorrect arguments as well”).
3. Reading the ROM literature and reluctantly understanding it.
4. Taking a leap of faith and renting ROM for 30 days.
5. Being highly impressed by the results and purchasing a ROM.
6. Becoming a ROM enthusiast and trying to persuade friends.
7. Being ignored and ridiculed by the friends who think you’ve lost your mind.
8. After a year of using the ROM your friends admiring your good shape.
9. You telling them (again) that you only exercise those 4 minutes per day.
10. Those friends reluctantly renting the ROM for a 30 day trial.   Then the above cycle repeats from point 5 on down.”

AMAZING!

Here’s what I think really happens:

1. You totally disbelieve that the ROM if for real.
2. You’re probably right to disbelieve, but you’re too desperate so you order the literature because, hey, it’s free! And you like to get things in the mail.
3. You read the ROM literature and reluctantly understand it because you know it’s not really true.
4. But you take a leap and rent-a-ROM for 30 days.  Hey, you can always return it, right?
5. You contact “fastworkout.com” to attempt to return your ROM rental, but they come up with some reason that you can’t return it.  So you are stuck with this thing and end up purchasing a ROM.
6. Now your broke and going into debt paying off this ROM.  It so totally consume you that you can’t stop talking about it with your friends.
7. Your friends start to ridicule and ignore you for being so stupid (and fat).
8. After a year of starving yourself trying to pay off your ROM, you start to admire your shape. 
9. You wish you had friends to admire your shape, but they are all sick of you and your ROM.
10. Those friends reluctantly take you back into their circle when you’ve told them you’re done with the ROM and have come to your senses.

If anyone reading this post has actually bought a ROM – I think you’re a total idiot and I would love to hear from you! Who are you, you ROM-buyer-people (person)?  Why did you do it?  Are you fat?  Anorexic?  Rich?  Bored?  I have to know.  Please leave a comment or email me.

OK – enough of that.  If you think the ROM is outrageous(ly good), then you also have to check out Cenegenics Medical Institute (in Las Vegas, NV).  Basically, in just over 10 years you can do from looking like a fat old guy to an old guy with a rockin’ body.

Just check out Jeffry Life, now chief medical officer of Cenegenics:

To reinforce their legitimacy, they’ve (paid enough to have) been mentioned in Today, 60 Minutes, Nightline and The Associated Press.

Meanwhile, Dr. Alan Mintz, founder of Cenegenics, died at the relatively young age of 69 due to complications during a brain biopsy.

Some research has suggested that human growth hormone injections can cause cancer. They've also been linked with nerve pain, elevated cholesterol and increased risks for diabetes.

Even so, Life, now chief medical officer at Cenegenics, remains steadfast. Among other things, he points to studies that suggest that human growth hormone in low doses poses no cancer risk, if there is no pre-existing cancer.

"Within the next 10 years, maybe less, this is going to be thought of as mainstream medicine -- preventing disease, slowing the aging process down, preventing people from losing their ability to take care of themselves when they get older and ending up in nursing homes," Life says.

I think Loqi from powderroom.com might have gone this route.  I mean, just look at him:

 

Unfortunately, no insurance, nor Medicare, accepted – so you gotta pay every pretty penny yourself.  At $1500.00/month minimum, it makes the price of the ROM look good!